The Battle to Be Me – The Mildred Fraser Story

I’ve told my story many times; hoping to change somebody’s struggle with life. I have often spoken of my childhood struggles to my children and in my book “Whispers from Heaven, My Story;” just like the mother in Langston Hughes Poem, “Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.” But perhaps I’ve had different struggles; it wasn’t the tacks, splinters, or the bare floors, my fight have been a spiritual one. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6:12. I can really be a witness to this scripture; for the powers of darkness in this world is still wrestling to keep me from being the vessel that God created me to be.

In grade school I always loved writing; I was good at writing poetry and enjoyed English and American literature. I believe the struggles I’ve had in my life drew me closer to my gift of writing. I could not confront my uncertainties with mere words; the devil had a hold over my speaking abilities that caused me to suffer from anxiety. God gave me a way out that I could stand under and inspired me to put my thoughts on paper. I would hear God whispering beautiful, beautiful lyrics to me and I would write them down in my tablet. As a child I remember having a relationship with my creator. He established my foundation in Him way back then. I didn’t realize it then and He never spoke the words but in His way He was saying this is your gift walk in it. John 16:33 (Amplified Bible) I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have perfect peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted! For I have overcome the world. I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.

Mom’s security blanket from God

I love the beauty of art, drawing, photography, poetry and writing. I love reading God’s words especially the Book of Psalms and I loved praising God. My mother gave me a small black bible one day when I went to her inquiring about a man I saw hanging on the cross in my room. That started my journey with Jesus. My mother loved to repeat the Twenty -third Psalm; she told me that I should remember it and store it in my heart so in times of trouble the Holy Spirit would bring it to my memory. The Twenty-third Psalm is a powerful reassurance that God is with us through all of our trials and tribulations. I remember when my mom asked me to repeat it to her when I called her in the hospital before she died; it was always her security blanket in her life and now its mine.

God equipping me for my Calling

During the summer of 2008 I saw the Lord, He was high and lifted up and His Glory filled my world. He showed me that I could not contain Him in my own personal box. God shook my foundation, He closed doors and opened doors in my life, and I was marred in His hands. He put me on the Potter’s wheel and made me over. He showed me that He now needed me to reposition myself in the truth of my calling. I needed to be that Witness that He sent me into the world to be. He set my healing process into motion and began to purge all of Satan’s lies and open my eyes to His truth.

When I was a child I had no problem standing up for what was right. I coped with rejection from the world and I walked in the Spirit always answering to the Masters voice; but over the years the devil’s desire to sift me like wheat got the best of me when I lost a dear friend. A friend that I thought God had sent to offset all the negative things I was going through. Prior to this tragedy I had no problems resisting the devil; but after Jackie’s death I listened to the lies and lost the battle of the huge spiritual warfare that was going on in my mind. He told me that God did not love me and He didn’t care about my future. Sadly, unlike Job, I believed his lies, harden my heart and questioned God’s motives in my life.

My life’s experiences conditioned me to know what the severely depressed goes through. As a teen I fell into a deep depression that lasted into adulthood, marriage and divorce. So God had to shake my foundation that started out as a warrior, then through conditioning and acceptances of Satan’s lies became a voiceless wimp wanting acceptance by the world. But God showed me that I can not serve two masters, either I hate the one and love the other. After a broken spirit I called out to the Lord and He came and rescued me. I cried, I repented and God took me back; I then felt that my lips had been touched with a live coal from His altar that took my guilt and sin away. I heard the Lord saying, “Mildred, I’m sending you,” and I answered His call. I now have a personal relationship with the Savior that I want the world to share. My life is not my own, I’ve been bought with a price, the precious blood of Jesus.

I’ve always had a love for poetry; I now use this gift to write of my life’s experiences inspiring others to know that whatever fire they are going through God is in the furnace with them. I have a deep desire to witness of God goodness, grace and mercy in my life. I know that I am chosen a royal priesthood, a holy nation, and a person belonging to God, that I may declare the praises of Him who called me out of darkness into His wonderful light. (1 Peter 2:9) I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I work for God’s Kingdom.

My Calling

Up until now my life was a constant wrestle with God. My wrestle ended when my selfish desires died. My relationship with Jesus has taken me through a multitude of trials and tests that have made me a humble person. A person who can now listen to others without interjecting my thoughts; a person who does not get upset just because someone has a different opinion then I do. I can now stand on the Solid Rock when all else is falling all around me. I now have a peace that I never had before; I find myself becoming more like Jesus. I have a more spirit filled life, in which I am in constant conversation with God, conversing on His will for my life. I yearn for that day when I can say, “I no longer live but Christ lives in me”. I am a work in process of becoming more and more like Jesus every day. I have an unquenchable desire to witness to others about the goodness of the Lord. I believe I was created for praising God, in fact the bible says that we were made for that purpose. My life has been an open book of how the devil tried to steal my praise and worship from God; but the God I serve refused to let me go. When my struggle in life seemed to have gotten the best of me and I started to drown; at the point of brokenness I called out to Jesus and He reached down and pulled me out of darkness into His precious light. From that point on my mind was made up; I was following Jesus for the rest of my life. I then started to get a clearer vision of what God had sent me here to do. I was more in tuned with my gifts, which God had gifted me with from childhood. My love of poetry and writing was what God used to inspire me. God the Holy Spirit would speak to me early in the mornings inspiring me to write beautiful poetry of God’s truth from His Word that I had placed in my heart. Incidents in my life were what God used to inspire my book, “Whispers from Heaven, My Story.” I myself could have never come up with the vision without God the Holy Spirit waking me up each night and filling me with the lyrics that I’ve encased in this book. This was my Holy encounter, my impregnation, the origin of my purpose that I have treasured up like Mary did when she pondered on the thoughts, in the Song of Mary, on her encounter with the Holy Spirit in her life; the conception and the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ. The Word says that many are called but few are chosen; God was speaking to me, Like He chose Mary, He chose me for a purpose. This is of significance in my life, to me, because it was that point of conception that I was determined to follow Jesus. That was my, “Yes Lord” moment. The magnitude of the peace I felt in the mist of the storms that happened to me from that point on compelled me to give my life totally to Him.

How do I know that I know that I am called? I know that I am called of God because I was drawn by Him and I said yes to His will and to His way. I say yes Lord every moment of the day. I say yes Lord, yes Lord, yes. I know that I am called because I put Him first, God is on the throne, He rules in every Kingdom of my life. God the Father has given me a second chance through my belief in, Jesus, God the Son and I am being sanctified by God the Holy Spirit who dwells in me. I’m a solider in God’s army, I’ve got my marching orders and with my gift as an inspirational writer; I’ve started on my path of working in God’s vineyard for the Kingdom. I recently finished my second book “God Planted a Garden in Our Hearts.” My works in progress are “I Heard the Lion Roar," a children’s book, and “I am a Witness for the King.” I thank God for the visions; without His call on my life I would not be the author of these soul winning works of art. I give all the glory to God. After losing my Job would say that I was unemployed but now I say, “I work for God’s Kingdom to come”. My call is to the ministry of Evangelism.

True worship

This is where I want to aspire to. I have always had a reverence for God and direct my praises to Him because I know that He is worthy. I want to honor Him in all that I do; but often times like Paul I do not do the things I desire to do but end up doing the things that I do not desire to do. I want to please Him with my life by seeking His will for me. I recognize His holiness and I know without the blood of Jesus covering me I could not stand in His Holy presence. I love the fact that God loves me so much that He sacrificed, His Son so I could come into His Holy presence seeking His will for my life. Now again after all these years I desire to know His will for me and I no longer resist His claim on me. I know that I was brought with a price; I’m not my own.

The things that use to permeate my mind, no longer comes to depress me. I know it’s because of the life changing event that has happen to me by studying the living Word. The Word shields me when receiving the negative thoughts; now I just replace them with God’s positive words that I learned from scripture. For instance, if I was to meet someone and their behavior did not agree with my spirit, right away I get a thought saying, “You don’t like them.” I’d then think on God’s commandment that we should love one another. I want all men to know that I am God’s by the love that I show others. John 13: 34-35. I always had a nature to love others even if they were not nice to me; but I would feel insecure that they thought negatively of me. I thank God that He has brought me out of that way of thinking. I want to be liked but now those ways of thinking no longer have a hold on me. I now want to live by God’s Word; I’m not living to please the world any longer. I now have gone back to seeking God first, wanting to please Him again and allow Him to guide me in the way I should act towards others. God, me, then others; I like this phase and have stored it in my memory. God first, me second, then others. This is the right way to think because God is the only one that is worthy to be above you. If you put others above you then you are idolizing them and allowing them to share in God’s Holy place. I will never allow others to desecrate God’s Holy place in my life again. Jesus restored me to a right standing with my God. I now allow no man to stand in God’s Holy Mountain in my heart. I desire true worship for my God that’s why I desire to know His ways so I may enter into His Holy place. I thank Jesus for sending The Holy Spirit to counsel me in the ways of God.

I’m aspiring to look like Jesus, when I worship God and I enter into God’s Holy place I want Him to see Jesus or at least see the metamorphosis taking place. I confess my sins, and I know that God is faithful and just; so I take my chastisements in the respect that God wants me be better then the me that I am. The Holy Spirit is cleansing me to be that person. When common temptations presents its self I know that God’s faithfulness will not allow me to be tempted beyond what I can bear, because my God loves me and He will provide a way out; one that I can stand under. 1 Corinthian 10:13.

God’s worthiness is in every Assurance that He has given me in His word. Assurance of Salvation, 1 John: 5:11- 12, God has given me eternal life through my belief in His Son and by knowing Jesus as my personal Savior I can now enjoy the fact that I live to serve Him. Assurance of answered prayer, John 16:24, God has always answered my prayers because I have asked in Jesus name. How do I know this? I know this because His answer has been, “Yes, no or I have something better.” No matter what His answer was my joy was complete. Assurance of Victory 1 Corinthians 10:13, I get the victory when God supply me with away out of temptation; He diminishes me of my pride but instills me with humility.

Assurance of Forgiveness, 1 John 1:9 I know that if I held something in my heart that is not of God the Holy Spirit will bring it to my attention. My sense of right and wrong will bring me to my knees asking God to help me make it right. I love the peace that God gives; I have lived too long in troubled waters to turn back from His ways. Assurance of Guidance, Proverbs 3:5-6, I know that if I try to put right something that went wrong on my own merit it would be unfixable; but when I trust in the Lord and leave it in His hands I rest assured that He will fix it.

True Worship exerts a claim on me. When I enter into God’s authority I surrender my nature to Him. I often start to shed tears irrepressible. This does not only happen in church on Sunday morning it could happen if I’m in a conversation with one of my children and they give me some good news that I have been praying to God to make a change in their lives and they tell me the revelation of my answered prayer. I immediately, even while I’m sitting there with them, enter into true worship, weeping tears of joy because God answered my prayers. Sometimes the person in my presence may ask, “Why are you crying? I simply say, “Its joy, its irrefutable joy.” It’s always a confirmation that I serve an awesome God. I then direct my worship to Him in spirit and truth.

People react in different ways when they come into God’s divine presence. They may run, cry out, weep quietly, write, faint, jump, or even tremble when they enter into true worship surrendering all their nature to God. All I can say is that worship has a claim on me I can not enter into God’s presence without it have a profound effect on me.

When it comes to worship I know that God requires my utter seriousness. Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. I pray each day for my family and friends that they come to have wisdom in the Lord Jesus and surrender all to Him. I have also come to realize that only God can draw them so I have learned to be patient and not judge them; because I’ve changed only because God drew me to Himself. I take the Lord serious my worship is for real. I don’t play with God; for I know He will not be mocked.

I thank God for choosing me to be a servant, a minister to His people. I’m so delighted that God has given me people of such ethics as my pastor, Archbishop Bailey, First Lady, Reverend Reathie Bailey and my instructor, loving know as Pastor Mike who have much wisdom gained from the fear of the Lord in their lives.

Spiritual Authority

I can’t recall a time that I didn’t feel the presence of a higher power in my life. I didn’t know who, but I knew that this Supreme Being had authority over me. I also sensed another presence in my life but the presence in me was greater; I know this because this presence comforted me during those times that I was experiencing spiritual warfare. I wanted to resisted the negative thoughts and cling to the positive ones but I was not knowledgeable about or skilled in the word of God to put on His spiritual armor for warfare with the evil one. I can witness to the fact that through my trials and tribulations the Lord kept me; without Him I would have lost it all. I now know that authority is an awe-inspiring thing and the one who created this universe has power over all. It is He who established Authority over the universe and man. It is He who requires absolute submission of our hearts and attitude. I’m striving to give it all to Jesus; through His word I seek His wisdom to lead me in His path of righteousness.

Jesus suffering showed us how to be obedience to God. That’s how God establishes obedience in our lives; it is through suffering we come to be humble under His supreme authority. Jesus was beaten; humiliated and crucified for us to know that when God’s Authority (law) is broken it has to be compensated for with a price. God sent His Son, a part of Him to show us how to obey Authority.

After the fall of Adam; God was looking for someone to be obedience to His Authority. That’s all God wants from us is that we obey Him and seek His counsel. God is God and we should give Him honor and glory. He is worthy of all our praise; even though we are weak in obedience He still blesses us with His compassion. King David is a good example of this because with all his weaknesses he fully obeyed the authority of God. Not like Saul who was rebellious to God’s authority; The Lord favored David for His obedience and David walk in full power and authority because he sought the lord. We need to seek God’s authority and honor those that are under God’s anointing.

What is it about us; our sinful flesh that keeps us from surrendering completely to God? I don’t know how to answer that but Jesus does, He understands the temptation we go through because He was generated to come and understand our plight; to suffer so He could establish God’s Authority here on earth. When we are going through our persecutions by Satan it is Jesus who sets at the right hand of the Father and testifies for us. Jesus went to the cross so He could send His Holy Spirit that was generated to dwell in us, counseling us on righteousness and obedience to God.

When Jesus walked this earth with His disciples He ordained them to establish the church to be the Forerunner for His Kingdom to come. Within the church the pastor anointed by God has authority over us. The pastor has been anointed by God to lead the church in working for God’s kingdom to come. Jesus Himself established this through His Word. The church is to teach and preach the word of God so all men will know of His authority. It is only when all men know God authority and rejects His condition for repentance that they will be subject to God’s rendering vengeance. Jesus is God’s generated sacrifice for us to know God’s authority. If we reject Jesus we reject God’s authority.

As believers we are called to be obeyers because we are subject to the authority of the Lord. Jesus should be ruler over our lives; everything we say, do, think and eat should be subject to God’s authority. You may ask why should Jesus have this authority over us. That’s a great question and in our church we address this question with our new member’s classes. Jesus is our example; we are to look like Jesus when God looks up on us He is to see His Son Jesus. God is a Holy God and can not look up on sin; that is why we are to be covered with the blood of the lamb, Jesus. We can only do this through our faith in Jesus, knowing that Jesus is God’s Son and knowing Him as our personal Savior. It is through our belief of Jesus that the Holy Spirit dwelling inside our heart that we change; and by the hearing His word that we have faith. Jesus is the author of authority. It is Jesus who shows us how to live the good life, the life God intended for us to live. Jesus is our Savior who took up the cup for our salvation, He is worthy of all praise, all glory and honor. I sometimes say to myself, “Jesus I’m not worthy of this honor” and I hear Him whisper, “Yes you are, you are special that’s why I sent you as my witness.”

I remember when I was a teenager my friend was killed by a drunk driver coming up the wrong side of the road; Jackie managed to save his brother by pushing him to safety but he could not save himself. This caused me to harden my heart against God. I rebel against God’s authority in the claim on Jackie’s life. I turned from God but He never turn from me. He kept me through my trials, blessed me in my weaknesses

as He extended His grace and favor over my life. Jesus loved me and He never stopped watching over me. God knew I needed something to keep me focus so He brought my first Husband Edward into my life and from that union we had a beautiful daughter that we named Alessondra. I loved this new experience in my life, I loved being a mom and when Alessondra was three years old, a very intelligent three year old I might add, I began to want another child. I wanted to have a son, but after I gave birth to Alessondra my husband insisted that I take birth control pills. I told him of my desired to have another child and His answer to that was, “No.” Well I thought about this and I remember God’s authority in my life so I consulted in prayer with God about my desire and this is how God answered me. After taking the birth control pills my ovaries started to form fibrotic cists. This caused me to have surgical treatment and my Gynecologist took me of the pills, I became pregnant a month after that. I thank God immediately for His authority to answer my prayer. I remember when I was eight months and I started spotting and my doctor told me that I was treating a miscarriage so I had to take some hormone shots and be on complete bed rest. Everyday I prayed that God would allow me to carry this child to term; and that he would be a healthy baby. Even though I was having difficulties I had total faith that God would see me through it and when my child was born and my husband saw that it was a boy he insisted on naming him Edward Jr. God answered my prayer not only by giving me another child but giving me a son. God said, “Yes.” I was so thankful but I still had not turned my life over to God completely. I t was not until after a broken marriage with two young children, depression and through many trials and tribulations of a second marriage that humble me to the point of brokenness; I surrender my being to God’s will. I started my relationship with Jesus as my personal Savior. Jesus changed my life; I owe it all to Him. Jesus showed me the fear of the Lord and the beginning of my wisdom in His word. I’m striving to surrender all my nature to God, who has Supreme authority over my life.

Worship is what I do

I have known every since I was a child that I had a purpose and the purpose was to worship the Lord. There’s a hill near the home where I grew up and whenever I was troubled, sad or lonely I would climb that hill and find two pieces of wood, tie them together to form a cross; then I would sang the song “On a Hill Far Away Stood an Old Rugged Cross." Without realizing what I was doing, I was worshipping the Lord. I was always stealing away to be with the Savior. In my book “Whispers from Heaven, My Story,” God reminded me of those times when I was a child; it was as though He wanted me to return to that humble, child like innocents, that I had back then so I could worship Him again in spirit and truth. I have to share a few of the poems of praise and worship from this book. You see when you are witnessing, Evangelizing or doing any mission for the work of the Lord you are doing the action of worship. When I wrote this book I was physically worshipping the Lord and God came down so close to whisper to me very early each morning. He died for me I live for Him; everyday I worship Him through my witnessing in my poetry:

Ode to My Savior

My Wonderful Counselor!

~ Jesus,
They said, that you’re my idol
and that I worship You
"This is not God’s will", they say,
when I try to show them You. . .

They want to walk in darkness
and are quick to curse the light
still You set at God's right hand
intervening throughout our earthly plight.

We just walk through our existence
a matter of God’s grace
but until we fall upon our knees, accepting You
we will never see God's face. . .

Adam walked and talked with God in Spirit
God wants us to do that too
but through sin Adam and Eve took that away
So through love God devised a plan
to make us Spiritually born again . . .

The wages of sin is death
Yes! The world is spiritually dead
but God so loved the world He sacrificed His Son
The Word to make us spiritually fed. . .

Jesus you’ve been my Counselor
You took the dirty rags that I had worn
wash me with your blood
and now I am spiritually reborn. . .

I hope the whole world could see You
in the way that Christians do
I hope that they can hear Your voice
before their time here is through. . .

They said, that You’re my idol and that I worship You
with my gift of poetry Your miracles I'll proclaim
my poetry tells the world
that of Your Gospel I am not ashamed. . .

Because of You, My Savior,
The Father I can spiritually hear
and poetry is my vineyard
Because God I'll obey and fear. . .

So I'll keep on laboring
victors will be won
through the way I've shown others God the Father
while looking through You, God the Son ~

Worship is what one do in the act of showing reverence, adoration and respect for God. When one is in the act of worshipping they are in a physical state of lifting up Holy hands, praising with a shout of hallelujah, running, dancing, singing, writing or weeping with a deep sense of gratitude of what God has done for them. Worship is a verb; it would not be worship if it did not exert a claim on the person in the act of worshipping. I worship Him through my writing, I am very creative with my craft but when speaking, I find it hard allowing this creativity to pour out into the spoken word. With poems that I had written I did not have the confidence to recite them before an audience, my praise was only directed to God before but God is working with me on this; my Lord is a wonderful counselor and when I lift Him up He keeps on lifting me. Poem:

WHEN I LIFT HIM UP, Praise Him!

When I lift Him up

I fall on bended knees
when I lift Him up
He supplies my every need
when I lift Him up
my life’s paths are clear
when I lift Him up
His precious words I hear
If it had not been for Him, God
nothing I would be
When I lift Him up
He keeps on lifting me...JESUS

When I'm praising and worshipping the Lord I feel Him so close I hear His voice so clear and when I lift Him up He's forever near. My epitaph should read, “Here lays Mildred Lucille Fraser, she devoted her life inspiring others through her books and poetry because she wanted them to know the Jesus that lives in her; so they could experience the joy that she felt for the Savior that brought her out of the darkness into His precious Light . She wrote to awaken the Holy Spirit in them; she wanted them to experience worship as a verb and to know that Jesus, He is alive.” Her purpose was that you would worship the Lord like you love Him with all your heart, mind and soul, when you do this, God will bring you out; He will use you like you’ve never been used before. You are not your own, you are His, belong! Make worship a verb in you life, when you do, you will have a life worth living. Halleluiah Jesus, all glory and honor belongs to You. You are worthy!